ROMANCE AND SEX ARE NOT NECESSARY NOR DESIRABLE; COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF PROJECTION AND PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH FICTIONAL CHARACTERS IS THE ONLY THING YOU NEED IN THIS BIG BIG WORLD
Aren't you BORED? aren't you SAD AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE BUT YOU HAVE A BIG LOVE IN YOUR BIG HEART FOR RANDOM FICTIONAL PEOPLE? Dont you want those very fictional people to be JUST LIKE YOU???
I know I do. As an aromantic/asexual/botharetrue/aroace person I see a good amount of nothing for the freshly baked tray of Characters of Similar predicament. But NO NEED TO FRET. THANKFULLY: I HAVE TAKEN THE ROMANCEKILLING AND SEXLYNCHING INTO MY OWN HANDS
1) What even is an Aro? Or an Ace? Or an Aro Ace?
SINCE this flavour of LGBTQIAUSDSDOWPDMSKWLLPSINDFUN+ is more undergrounded, here is a very necessary explanation for everyone who may be con fused. or fuddled. or con fuddled. AN AROMANTIC PERSON IS (HOLD UP, LET ME LOAD UP 'aromanticism' On OGGLE.COM..........) someone who does experience LITTLE to NO romantic attraction to other people! and an ASEXUAL person is someone who experiences LITTLE to NO SEXUAL attraction to other people. Do you get it? yes? No? Idk? Its okay.
Note that this does not mean ASEXUAL PEOPLE are pure LITTLE INNOCENT BABIES WHO CANNOT STAND THE MERE UTTERANCE OF THE ACCURSED WORD: "s*x". and likewise, AROMANTIC PEOPLE are not HEARTLESS MONSTERS THAT CANNOT LOVE ANYTHING IN THEIR LIVES AND SKIN CHILDREN FOR FUN. because you can still LOVE, UNROMANTICALLY. If you couldn't do that then family dynamics would get pretty complicated and gross very quickley.
Also. You can be one without being the other. But not for me. I am both asexual and aromantic, which they have kindly created a lesser syllable version of, specifically designed for me (how kind of them) called aroace. That is me. I am aro and ace. and aroace. STRIKE!!!! KAterpillar has knocked down all of the pins of common causes for potential interpersonal drama with ONE BEAUTIFUL GODBLESSED SEXHATING ROMANCESTABBING BOWLING BALL in Record Time!
2) What do you mean you 'Solved' 'It'??????????????????????????
Oh, reader. Reader, reader, reader. Let me tell you about my one true goal in life, what I have known since I exited that womb for the first time (If i recall correctly). It has been my devout dream, forever and ever, since i was a little grub in a cage, to sterilise every single person on Earth. No matter what gender, what race, what class, we will all be one in the face of joint, communal sexlessness. When i was a kid, my greatest hobby was to home-desex my cats and my self, a hobby in which i have earned several gold medals in during competitions. In baby school, I showed a unique talent in neutering my friends. I took my university major in Neutereveryoneology with a minor in Deromanceing, earning a master's degree in both. And when i finally came close, when I finally got the opportunity to remove everyone's sexual organs (and romantic organs, but i dont think a romantic organ really exists so i cant make any funny jokes), something i had been waitinng for after 30 years of intense study, I built the ANTISEXOTRON 90000 to finally complete my childhood dream. But then. The ANTISEXOTRON 9000, the thing i spent my entire building was RIPPED FROM ME. IT WAS CONFISCATED AND THEN DESTROYED BY THE POLICE IN THE KATERPILLAR HOUSE RAID OF 1986. so my life's work is gone. fml dawg fml
But I have found my own solution, the beautiful fandom phenomenon which you will only know about if you spend more than 12 hours a day shutinning known as..................................... drumroll................
HEADCANONS!!!!!!!!!!!! Basically, a headcanon is something a fan makes up about the character they like, something that is not confirmed or discussed or done at all by the character in the canon/actual piece of media. It can be a secret hobby, or a food they like, or like. anything, acutally. But most importantly for my amazing thesis, you can assign characters SEXUAL ORIENTATIONS... they can be Straight or Bi or Gay or Lesbian or WHOEVER THEY WANT TO BE. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, MY POINT... HERE IT COMES...........
3) SO HERE IS MY REBELLION:
HEADCANONING the fictional characters I like as Aroace!!! in the process making them MORE LIKABLE and BETTER CHARACTERS and their AWESOMENESS FACTOR JUST SCALES UPWARD. BECAUSE THEN THEY'RE JUST LIKE ME. If you are a fictional being under the omnipresent scrutiny of my foreverwatching likeometer, heed my warning.... Do something disgusting and unlikable before I end up sterilising yo ass. IF YOU WANT YOUR BALLS BACK, MOVE IT!!!!!! QUICKLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE HAVE FINALLY GOT TO THE MEAT OF THIS BLOG POST AFTER APPROXIMATELY 2 WORDS OF ME JERKCIRCLING AROUND SHITBUCKETS AND GLOBSLIME OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. THIS IS THE ULTIMATE COMPENDIUM OF CHARACTERS I PERSONALLY SEE AS AROACE AND WHY THEY ARE AWESOME AND WHY I SEE THEM AS SUCH.
Here goes (my enlightened opinion and objective truth).................
CASE 1: MERCURIA FROM REVERSE:1999
MERCURIA!!!!!!!!!! Mercuria is a travelling uh...... divinist, someone who tells the future(?). she loves to WANDER. She's a disco girl, she has cool crystal balls, and she looks really cool. She is really aroace to me and has always been i think but i cannot string up a reason why anymore nor much information about her since it's been like SO MANY YEARS since i last watched the story that she appears in. But she has a yellow and a blue and a gray(which is basically white if you think about it) which is about 3 of the colours on the aroace flag. So. Its canon to me. But you can colourpick the asexual flag off of her if you try which i did try that one time and i was successful so thats better than nothing.
Honestly, I just dont see her as the type of girl to get with anyone. Like ever. She seems the type to not care much. And she also seems to be the type to accept that she doesnt care about romance or sex, and not care that she doesnt care about those things.
She's so fuckign pretty its insane. have you SEEN THIS???????..??????? I swear on god they put the r1999 artists on crack or soemthing cus wtf. Its so peak i shat all my tears out../
"She never stops too long, never gets too attached. She simply lets the universe guide her to her next destination." <-- quote from somewhere, Absolute aura
CASE 2: CAINE FROM THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS
the WACKY WACKY Ringmaster of the AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS. The goat. The absolute POS. I hate him. I hate him. I love him. He is beautiful. He should die a painful disgusting permanent death where i never have to see him again. He should live forever and ever and have billions of friends.
CAINE is an egotistical piece of shit who has a tragic and chronic case of selective deafness and EQ blindness simultaneously. That being said, he is my favourite character in the circus. He is an AI meant to entertain humans because he loves them. Except he sucks at making humans feel loved because he Jus Don Understan Them!!! So he just does a bunch of insensitive and generally traumatising shit tryna make them have fun resulting in dear old pomni and co morphing into a big trauma punching bag (purely accidental). So then they hate him (justified), which ruins his ego made of potentially the most fragile substance on earth. AAND THEN EPISODE EIGHT HAPPENS. Whose idea was it to code insecurity into chatgpt bro
WHY the AROACE BEAM? He keeps his circus strictly for ALL AGES. WHICH MEANS NO ROMANCE OR SEX AT ALL will HAPPEN where he can see it!!! He has basically forced aroaceism on all of his troupe as any good host should do. Like id do. If you were in my Amazing Katerpillar Circus id do that too.
Also, lets think rrealistically. he is a creative AI. If i worked on ChatHIV there would be no reason for me to give bro the ability to romance or sex. Im not tryna robotfuck any time soon.
ALSO: Infamous scene where Zooble asks for the TADC Sex Update. if that isnt the most acespicy man uve ever seen u are lying https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxaKzVyhk5r6RnWecCUpJ_bAW84L9eIJFo
CAASE 3: PEREGRINE MENDICANT FROM HOMESTUCK
PM is the best exile. If you disagree you are so so wrong. You are unbelievably inconcievably wrong.
PM/Peregine Mendicant/Postal Maiden/Prospitian Monarch is a character from homestuck. Basically, a very very very oversimplified version of what happened to her is that she used to work as a mailwoman, she goes on a very long and stupid journey which i have kinda forgotten sorry but im sure its important to the early half of homestuck plot where she chops off some loser's head, does some shady dealing in exchange for a package, and then gets exiled to post-apocalyptic Earth 300 years in the future where she meets some buddies, and talks to some of the beta kids through terminals. Sometime in the series she gets appointed as the queen of Prospit cus mrs WQ retired. and then eventually her friends get FUCKING SLAUGHTERED .............. and so she wears the ring that turns her into a furry. But a badass and powerful furry so its okay.
AND she's got a dope ass sword. OR HAD. I DONT REMEMEBER IF SHE STILL HAS IT. I THINK SHE DOES THOUGH.
Here is her in her postal outfit cus i think its rlly cute :D
Why is she aroace? Because I think she deserves better than every single character she ever interacts with. If i see her shipped with some BUM i get MAD. SHE DOES not deserve SLOP GUY 1 or SLOP GUY 2 or the SLOP KING KING OF SLOP. SHE DESERVES A LIFE OF MAIL SO MUCH MAIL AND BEAUTIFUL THINGS. But also, technically speaking, all carapacians should be, in theory, asexual since they reproduce by cloning like all true chess guys should and have no sexual organs. Thank jegus
OKAY. I KNOW THAT SHE CANONICALLY HAS KISMESISSY FEELINGS FOR (ALPHA) JACK NOIR. BUT I HONESTLY. I DONT REALLY CARE ABOUT THAT GENOCIDAL DOG AND WHETHER HE GETS TO HAVE ROMANTIC FUN NO MATTER HOW HATEFULLY IT IS. SO GOOD RIDDANCE. MY GIRL STAYS SINGLE FOREVER, TO ME, BECAUSE ITS AWESOME. FUCK YOu JACK
"You have no idea how to rule. What orders could there possibly be to give anyway?
All you want to do is deliver mail. You do not want to be the stupid queen. And you do not want to wear this stupid mailbox crown.
THIS IS STUPID."
CASE 4: CHINA FROM HETALIA
CHINA is the best countryguy and buddy to be concieved, he is simply too awesome. He is a bajillion years old. He loves cute things like panda. He loves beating other people with a wok. He loves communism. He has funny ENG accent. He gets bullied by other countries and is still better. He has it all. You wish you were him. I wish i was him.
WHY is he aroace? IT is because he simply has more aura when he's doing stupid shit alone. None of his ship dynamics work because he supercedes the other party in every way. Everyone next to him on screen just gets brutally mogged until they cant take the torment and disappear from the screen. Unlike france and gengland who cannot keep their hands off each other which makes them funnier as a unit and midder when they're alone on screen. he is diff. He's not like yall. He dont need nobody else to exist and keep existing for 40million years.
"It seem simple enough, China take all, you can go home now"
CASE 5: FUCKING HELL BRO I DO NOT WATCH ANYTHING
WELL THATS OKAY I GUESS THATS THE END OF THAT. I FEEL LIKE THERES A WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE UNROMANCE UNSEXUAL BUNDLE THAT I'M FORGETTING. BUT HONESTLY THAT IS ALL. THANKS FOR READING MY SHIT DUMP BUDDSICLES, I DID THIS INSTEAD OF DOING THE THINGS I MUST DO. HAHAHHAAH OOPS. W Katerpillar ❤️🩹